MALICE IN PLUNDERLAND

By Charlie Hall


It was a long long time ago
When Tony Freitus did
Get annoyed about a lease
Where he’d put in a bid

Though Tony had the lowest price
Downtown said, No you lost
You’ve got to get an envelope
Of “Thank-yous” to the Boss

Thank-yous? No way, Tony thought
I will not play this game
I’m going to the FBI-
Revenge is what’s my aim

The operation took a name
By which it could be known.
“We’ll name it after Buddy’s scalp.”
And thus borne ‘Plunder Dome’

So over many, many months
Tony paid some dough
To unsuspecting patsies-
On his Candid Camera Show

He soon became friends with the guys
On the Board of Tax
And found out with a little gift
Tax bills could be relaxed

Joe Pannone would take the money
He ‘claimed’ for the Mayor
But it’s final resting place-
Nobody knew quite where.

And there was also David Ead
Who finally did come clean
When learned he did his laundering
Through a Coke Machine


The Mayor’s indictment finally came
The press, they gathered quick
He tried to hold it up for them
But it was way too thick

“97 pages long
But here you’ll find no racket
There’s no crime or kickbacks here
And no stains on this jacket!

These charges are ficticious!
And I am barely phased
The FBI? Hey, I’m more scared
Of really windy days!”


Then a secret tape was shown
By prosecutor Rose
Buddy muttered, “What’s wrong Rich,
Was your Blockbuster closed?


12 months later Buddy got
His lawyer on the case
Warning prosecuters they’ll have
Egg-bert on their face

April 17th, 02
Judge Torres said, “Let’s go!”
(He’d become the state’s most well-known judge
...Next to Frank Caprio)

Arlene, Dan, Jack, and a couple of Jims,
New York and Boston press,
Jeff and Lou and Walt and Gene
And all the Journal’s best

Would spew their views and thoughts on air
Most musing without worry
Some even thought themselves as stars
Baskt-ing in their glory

Yes, some press got way too involved
One told some tasteless joke,
One guy got banned, and one received
A tape from his ‘Deep Throat’

Don Imus came to Providence
“Hey, Mayor your hair went gray!”
Buddy chuckled, “My hair Don
Can change shades every day!”

Each day the cameras clicked and aimed
The circus never lagged
And Buddy’d be about to bust
But Torres had him gagged

For three months we heard witnesses
Telling what they know
Many ending up with noses
Like Pinnochio

Those who ran the tow trucks
To the person would insist
That they all gave quite willingly
To stay put on the List.

The strict RI campaign laws
To this group weren’t a threat
They gave the mayor checks that were from
Their friends, their kids, a pet

Then there was that building
That was rented to the schools.
Although a former body shop-
The kids thought it so cool!

We heard about the mystery bribe:
A mom paid that would yield
A job for her quite troubled son
Where he would wear a shield

The son, though didn’t make it through
“Hey,” mom yelled, “that’s a jip
I want that cash returned to me!”
Alas, she had no slip.

It seemed the whole department now
Was wrought with spreading cancers
But Chief Prignano worried not-
Yes, he had all the answers!

Now to Club University
The state’s ‘cream’ all would go
But when Cianci tried to join
With clenched jaws they said “No.”

So when members asked to renovate
And permits were their need
Buddy shared with them the words
That everyone should heed:

“The toe that you step on today
May one day cause you sorrow
If it’s connected to the ass
You have to kiss tomorrow.”

On video we saw the tapes
Of Frankie C’s charades
Taking secret kickbacks
We guess- for hearing aids


Finally after ten long weeks
Arguments began
With no defendants opting first
To tell all from the stand

For 9 days 16 jurors met
Offering little clue
As the press each day would search
For any interview

And then with little warning
The jury said ‘we’re done’
Acquitting Mayor Cianci
On all his counts…but one

With elections looming close
Buddy pondered, then
Suprising all Rhode Island
Said “I will not run again.”

He shuddered to believe the truth
That no more he’d be boss.
“Who’ll run the town and clown around?
Who will stir my sauce?”

Judge Torres sentenced Buddy
To five years in the Pen
Giving him time to report
December 6th was when

And Buddy thought, “Well thank you Judge
If I don’t have to go-
Then while my lawyers handle briefs
I’ll go on radio!”

Many picked on PRO-AM
“What you’ve done is perversion!”
But Buddy laughed- ‘cause luckily
There was a new diversion

So here is where we’ll finish this-
There’s no end to reveal
Because as most folks would admit
This Mayor has got ‘appeal’

It’d be so sad if prison’s where
Our Buddy’s story ends.
Though maybe it’s a country club
Where he can see old friends

What will become of Buddy?
Will his sentence be communed?
Like he says on the radio
We’ll pause- but be please stay tuned…

THERE ONCE WAS A FEDERAL JUDGE NAMED TORRES,
WHO IGNORED THE MEDIA AND PUBLIC CHORUS,

AND SENT THE DOWNTOWN MAN,
TO A ROOM IN THE CAN,
NEXT TO A CON NAMED DOLORES,

WITH NO RUG TO WEAR
AND LITTLE OR NO HAIR,
THE MAYOR HAD NO SAUCE
AND HE WASEN\'T THE BOSS,
SO HE STAYED OUTTA DA SHOWER,
TO AVOID DOLORES WEARING ONLY A FLOWER,

NOW HE PRAYS EACH DAY
FOR WHEN HIS HAIR WAS GRAY
AND WHEN FRANK TOOK 5 G'S
AND HE CLAIMED IT WASEN\'T FOR ME
THOSE WERE THE DAYS MY FRIEND
HE ONLY WISHES HE COULD MEND
THE DAMAGE HE DID TO THE CAPITOL CITY
OH THE WHOLE THING WAS SUCH A PITY.

If Joe Pannone is a cavone;
If David Ead you do not heed;

If Dennis Aikens the evidence has been makin; Then Buddy, he,
must be set free!

HEY BUDDY THE DOWNTOWN MAN,
TESTED THE FEDS AND NEVER WENT TO THE CAN.

SAID "EAT MY GRAVY, IT'S THE BEST SAUSE IN THE LAND,
IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, I'LL GET YOU A JOB FOR FIVE GRAND".

NOW YOU WALK AWAY FROM A NINE WEEK TRIAL,
LOOKIN BACK AT ROSE WITH THAT ARROGANT SMILE.

ONCE AGAIN YOUR A SHOE IN IN THE FALL ELECTION,
YOU MUST BE GETTIN THAT TWO INCH ERECTION.

DON'T FORGET THAT SIMONEAU THE POLICE MAJOR,
HE STABBED YOU IN THE BACK WITH A TEN INCH RAZOR.

THE VENDETTA'S THERE A COMIN OH THATS' FOR SURE,
AND FOR THE CITY OF PROVIDENCE BOY DOES IT NEED A CURE,

FROM THE THUGS WITH RUGS WHO HAVE A LICENSE TO STEAL,
SEE YOU AT CAPPRICCIOS EATING YOUR PASTA WITH VEAL.

I want to be Buddy's Boy
I want to be Buddy's Boy
The best little Mayor in the whole darn world
And once you have paid the price
He's going to treat you, twice as nice
Because you know he understands
But if you are down on your luck
Just buy yourself, a big tow truck
and your life will be turned around
Because you are Buddy's Boy
Yes you are Buddy's Boy---
He's the best deal maker, that money can buy

No one will ever put you in a cell I just will not happen,
Not Buddy Cianci, he'll not be caught nappin,
But if for some reason there is evidence and proof of wrong doing Buddy my Friend, You may find yourself in jC and your political career will come to an end,

oh! golly, what will happen to Providence, the Renaissance City,
I guess it will just have to continue without you Buddy, what a pity,
But if there is no way to find you guilty and they couldn't prove you committed any wrong doing or crime,
Back in the saddle of the city you'll climb.

Gee, who will you get to replace good old Ead,
Oh! you'll find someone to do the dirty deed,
So hang in there old Buddy, that's all you can do,
Life will go on in the city very well without you.

Once upon a Providence
the mayor, he was in trouble.
The Feds called it Plunderdome.
They wanted to burst his bubble.

The trial went on and on and on.
Those witnesses could talk!
They kept throwing it all to "free Buddy's" side.
Till the bag man in shackles wanted to die.

But then along came the Rossi tape and Buddy finally cried.
He'd smudged the stain on that jacket of blue
And at long last there was no place to hide.

Viva Dunkin' Donuts.

There once was a Mayor of the city,
who got down to the real nitty gritty,
he rose at four and by 10 was in bed,
till one day he picked a fight with a Fed.

Now this was his biggest fight of all,
and many claimed that he would fall,
but the Mayor stood tall,
fighting all the way,
and lives to talk another day.

His bagman Frank was his big mistake,
for every agency was on the take,
He took every dime that he could get,
"Friends of Cianci" don't you forget.

These thugs ruined the city for you and me,
and as I'm sure that all will see,
Buddy really is the head of the crime family.........

-- Robin

The "Thugs in Rugs" are coming down
every day at the courthouse
they play in the greatest show in town

The media is out there to get all the scoop
on every liar & crook,
to sort through the poop

They all have a story but few want to say
how they paid the campaign
to do business, if they wanted to stay

Buddy proclaims that his jacket is clean
his pockets are empty,
no money, he's seen...

Yeah right, we believe it when we look at his face
He smiles on Imus
of guilt, there's no trace

The cleaners will tell us the truth on that jacket
but you never know — as the tension builds,
it's no longer disorderly to whack-it!

Rose be nimble
Rose be quick
we can only thank god
he didnt handle RISDIC

HERE I SIT BROKEN HEARTED
CAME TO WATCH THE PLUNDERDOME TRIAL
BUT IT HAD ALREADY STARTED

I'LL GO BACK ON MON.AND COL. BARNEY WILL TAKE THE STAND
AND "TAKE THE FREAKIN FIFTH" WITH HIS RIGHT HAND

CAPT. CANARY WILL SING TO ALL A MUCK
WHILE BARNEY YELLS OUT "YOUR TEST I GAVE YOU, YOU F..K"

ONE THING ABOUT BARNEY HE'LL NEVER GO GRAY
AS LONG AS HE GOES TO HIS HAIRDRESSER, MARY KAY

ITS' ANOTHER WEEK NOT TO STAY KOOKED UP AT HOME
FOR PLUNDER IS CRUMBLING AT ITS' CITY HALL DOME

KEEP EM HONEST AND KEEP EM GUESSIN
JOHN DEPETRO'S THE MAN
THEY WON'T BE A MESSIN', DISPITE YOUR LACK OF A BUDDY TAN

ONE LAST THING ABOUT BARNEY AND HEED MY ADVISE
THE ONLY THING IN HIS ATTIC IS A FAMILY OF FREAKIN MICE

BY JUSTIN CASE